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Duckweed (Ventura)
condition:
excellent
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Price: Free (because charging for this would be a crime against humanity)
Description:
Tired of boring houseplants that just sit there looking pretty?
Adopt my duckweed today and watch it stage a full-scale aquatic takeover of every container you own!
What you’re getting:
• Approximately 4 billion microscopic green freckles floating in a deli container
• Zero chill
• The ability to double in mass every 48 hours like it’s auditioning for a horror movie
• Will colonize your fish tank, bird bath, coffee mug, bathtub, and eventually your soul
• 100% organic, vegan, gluten-free, keto-friendly, and probably sentient
• Has escaped my quarantine jar THREE TIMES. This stuff is basically aquatic gremlins.
Perfect for:
• People who want a “low-maintenance” plant (lol)
• Mad scientists
• Anyone trying to grow their own duck salad
• Preppers building a post-apocalyptic floating food source
• Your enemy (gift it anonymously)
Warning:
Duckweed laughs at fish nets, turkey basters, and your feeble human concept of “control.” Once it’s in your house, it’s basically the blob that ate Cincinnati, but green and adorable.
Bring your own container or I’ll just dump it in your car. No lowballers – I know what I have.
Serious inquiries only. If you ghost me after saying you’re coming, the duckweed will find you.
Location: Ventura – will meet in a dark alley with a flashlight and a mason jar.
Pics available upon request (it literally just looks like someone sneezed pesto into water)
Text only. If you call, the duckweed answers.
🌱🦆 QUACK DEAL OF A LIFETIME 🦆🌱